UM HELLO, I’M BACK
Well, here we go… my last post was May 19 2024. A lot of stuff’s happened, so I will try to sum it up and catch you up. Obviously I am going to keep it real so…
Basically, when I had stopped slowly blogging, it was because of things I was going through with my son. My teenage son was going through some mental health issues. You can use your imagination on how bad it was and what I almost caught him doing… No parent wants to see their kid suffer with mental health and see them feel there’s no way out other than… well you know. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost my son. This is probably too much information to say but this is the real world, and a lot of people go through it. I went through it. I still have my days but with growth there’s strength. Teenagers going through mental health and hormone, change is a lot.
Any long time readers know I was a cutter. And even just cutting myself early teen led into my adulthood and it’s very hard with troubling mental health and managing it, and having your loved ones understand you and also understanding yourself…
Long story short, I did everything possible. He went through intensive therapy every Monday through Friday 8am to 3pm. He’s done different therapies, even in-home therapy which honestly was amazing and we had breakthroughs. There’s more to it but it was a long journey and I don’t really want to relive it by writing it all here.
Although things were slowly getting better, I just had gotten to a point where a mother had to make a hard decision. And that was me sending him to his father’s in another state.
That was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was the worst depression I had ever went through. The first two weeks I felt like part of my soul and heart died. I’d go to work and the moment I was home I was paralyzed. Literally didn’t move from the couch until I went to bed. Staring at the walls. Crying randomly.
But he’s been there for about 2 months now and just as I had hoped, that a new environment, new lifestyle, getting out of old routines would help, it did. At least for now, it looks like things are really great for him. And even though he misses home a lot and I miss him to death, I have no regret in this decision for him. And he has a nice little unit now, he’s with his little brother and he has a dog now.
The reason why I am finally blogging today is because last Friday was probably the first day since my son left about 2 months ago. That I was sitting at my house alone. And I was happy, oh and mind you, I had also gotten a divorce. So my ex had moved out. And although that is something I wanted to be on my own. As an independent woman raising my son, I didn’t think the universe was also gonna take my son for me. But maybe this is what I needed, because I think I was falling into some old routines myself.
So last Friday was probably the first day I was sitting on my couch all alone. And I was smiling, I was thinking of all the things I can’t wait to get into I was thinking about all the hobbies I want to get back into. I’m so excited to get back into my art. Focusing on myself has been scary. Because I’ve just been focused on other people in my life like my ex-husband or my son. And I didn’t realize how scary it is to just be alone with me. However, the last week has been very humble and I feel great and happy and excited for what I’m going to be doing for myself this year.
I have a new job that pays amazingly. Well, compared to what, I’ve been getting paid the last thirteen years…
I’m not going to go gonna lie. It’s not my cup of tea because I am an artist and this is HR administrator work. So it’s very different, a different type of mindset. And I’ve definitely been struggling with adjusting to that. Which has also made me insecure about myself because I always felt I was a really great worker at any job I had been at. I’ve always like thrived, and this is probably the one job that I’ve been insecure about. And I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or because I was at my last job for so long, but it’s definitely been a struggle. But I’m trying every day, and there are certain things I feel like I’m proud of myself about you know that I got a nice rhythm with things. I think I’m still learning but I’m doing what I can and I am so grateful to the person who gave me this chance.
Well this is the quickest update I can give even though this read seems already so long, but I am back and I will be blogging weekly again or if I’m not in the mood to blog, maybe I won’t blog weekly haha.
But till then, I look forward to sharing my art, my thoughts and just sharing my soul and letting everyone know that we’re all just humans, and none of us are perfect, and we have good days, we have bad days. We have good moments. We have bad moments. And all we can do is take each moment at a time. So I don’t know if all you readers are still out there and are willing to follow still, but I am here.
With horrible grammar and all, hahaha!
